See, this particular venue was 3 venues in one, with different names for each section. There was the Crawdaddy (Where Kimya was playing), something else and the Tripod. It just so happens on this night there is a second concert in a seperate section of the same venue starting at the exact same time as Kimya Dawson and this concert is in the Tripod section.
So in I come using every ounce of bladder control not to explode and give everyone in the vicinity a urine sample. I stagger around and I have no idea where I'm going. I look at the part that I would later find out was the Crawdaddy and believe it to be just a bar because there are no bouncers on the door and a bunch of people lounging around and casually having drinks. So like the good sheep that I am, I follow the queue and head towards the Tripod section which has barricades, door men, lines, the works. I get asked for ID and hand my ticket over to the big guy with the "don't fuck with me" grin. This guy just tears the ticket without even looking at it and ushers me in. If he had bothered to check he would see that he just admitted someone with a Kimya Dawson ticket to a Ladytron concert which I was oblivious to at the time.
In I wander and get myself a drink and listen to the opening act that kind of sounds like Oasis. All good so far. I do a scan of the room and my eyes fall of this unusual looking lesbian chick going back and forth on the main floor. I wasn't staring because she was attractive, I was staring because she was interesting looking and I like interesting people. She had that tom boy haircut, over sized Elvis Costello style glasses and a piercing of a ciggarette going right through her gay ear. She does a sudden turn and catches me staring and straight away I know she's gotten the wrong idea, but she trots off out of my eye line and I put her to the back of my mind.
At this point the opening act finishes up and Ladytron take the stage. Everyone rushes onto the floor and I join them, thinking this is just another opening act. When all of a sudden, the lesbian from earlier has worked her way in front of me, and she has brought a friend... a gay male friend. They are very affectionate with each other and even start kissing which knocks me for a loop. I then find out through eavesdropping on their conversation that they are both actually bi-sexual and have come with each other. Fair enough... only I catch them throwing glances at me at different phases through the night.
The concert gets into the heat of things and Ladytron are actually pretty damn good live, kind of like a female "Pet Shop Boys", although I was disappointed when I later checked out their studio material...
It was only when a good bit of time passed that I started to think that I was at the wrong concert but by the time my brain caught up to that logic it had gone past the point of no return for going to the Kimya gig.
As the concert went on, I found the lesbian chick getting closer and closer until eventually... she was dancing up on me :o . Her gay friend then gradually worked his way behind me and groped me... If I was still holding my bladder I would have pissed myself right there and then.
I did the best I could to politely turn away from them, and once I was free I put as many bodies between us as I possibly could. It's not everyday I'm almost ambushed into a 3 way, and don't get me wrong, it is on the "to do" list... just not with an Elvis Costello looking lesbo and a raging homosexual. :D
So after the concert was over, I made sure to stop and ask some fat guy what concert I actually ended up going to. This guy was also gay (Might as well have gone to see the Village People). Here is how our conversation went...
Me: Excuse me, what was the name of that band?
Puffy Puff: Oh... sure...
*Opens his bag and shows me it's contents.*
Puffy Puff: Is that okay?
*I get confused*
Me: Oh no, no, no! I said, what was the name of that band?
Puffy Puff: Oh, Ladytron...
Me: Good good, carry on.
*He nervously walks away*
Yes, this puffy puff mistook me for a bouncer! A 5'10", 22 year old! And just to make this even more weird, here is what I was wearing on the night...
...cause ya know, all bouncers and security men wear Yankee's zip tops. Must be the authority that I project in my voice that leaves mere mortals quaking in fear :p
All in all, it was a pretty fucked up night and I was pissed I didn't get to see Kimya, although Ladytron were a good substitute in the end. At least I didn't walk away with a sore ass...
Yes, folks, you see right. They have sign language for wrestling! A program that is more visual than vocal anyway. On top of this, they have started doing sign language for music as well! Music for the deaf! Do deaf people really want to know that Christina Aguilera wants to get "Dirty"?
They even have them on during Identity on Sky Movies. Here you have an intense thriller and it is ruined by by someone who looks completely out of place in the bottom right hand corner, actually acting out the scenes!
So I ask, what is the solution to this madness? Why do Sky assume that all deaf people don't watch TV until after midnight, are they also insomniacs? (Poor bastards.) The answer is not something as simple as making it a red button option on your remote, it's not even as simple as doing subtitles instead... The answer is this.
With the digital age, there are more channels then I can count, there are cooking channels, reality tv channels and a bunch of other useless crap, so why not a deaf channel?... I'll even go one further and help with the pitch...
Sky Hi Deaf!
That's right! The deaf would have a place of their own where they could be free to frollick through the fields and have sign language gay porn (You know you love it!)
So, e-mail the viewer relations department at Sky and tell them that you want to see Sky Hi Deaf and we can all watch late night programs, retard free (Unless you're watching Big Brother that is, in which case, shame on you.)
